How many thoughts do you think you have on a daily basis?
Just think about a random number.
Now let me tell you what the experts found out.
Experts measured that the mind thinks between 60,000 – 80,000 thoughts a day. That’s an average of 2500 – 3,300 thoughts per hour.
That crazy, right?
So let me ask you one question.
Do your thoughts build you up or pull you down?
I had a big surprise when I started to listen to my inner voice and what kind of self-talk I had with myself.
I didn’t like what I observed.
Most of it was toxic thoughts.
I was constantly telling myself that what I am doing is not enough, I am not good enough, I don’t matter, I need to grow faster, be smarter…
Moreover, some of those thoughts were ridicules.
It all changed for me when I made a conscious choice to talk in a way that’s helpful rather than harmful.
I decided that I want to have a more empowering positive inner voice.
After years of working on my negative thoughts, I discovered a few things and came up with a few steps that helped me create a more empowering self-talk.
Moreover, I discovered that I am not my mind, which means that I don’t have to believe everything what I think about myself and when I create these stories.
You are not your thoughts.
It takes time to shift your thoughts, patterns and believes to a more positive message.
That’s why I am here to help you, so you don’t need to think about the steps.
Everything is already set up for you.
You just need to put those steps into action.
How does that sound to you?
Create Awareness
Creating awareness around your inner monologue is the most important step to help you to start treating yourself better.
Did you know that a research by the famous stem cell & DNA scientist Dr. Bruce Lipton found that 95% of our actions in our day-to-day life is controlled by our subconscious?
This means that the way you consciously talk to yourself has a big impact on your subconscious.
Therefore listen for patterns, triggers, beliefs that create those negative thoughts.
Get an understanding when those negative thoughts appear and identify the exact moment where those beliefs were created.
Imagine yourself being a detective and trying to understand everything about those negative thoughts.
Creating awareness is not going to make your negative thoughts and self-talk disappear.
However, without awareness, you will not know what to change in order to practice positive self-talk.
Here are some questions that might help you identify and shift those thoughts.
Questions:
What disempowering thoughts and feelings am I having?
Why am I telling myself these negative things?
How true are those thoughts?
Where do those negative thoughts come from?
Related blog post: How to build a positive mindset #3KeySteps
2. Reframe Your Thought
After you created awareness around your negative self-talk, start changing the message and words into a more powerful, positive message.
Come up with more empowering words and phrases.
For example:
Instead of saying
“problems” change it to “solutions”
“challenges” change it to “opportunities”
Sounds silly but this is a powerful and vital step to create a positive self-talk.
It’s going to help you to shift the focus and thoughts from the negative to a more empowering one.
Moreover, I am not telling you to stop using certain words; however, be mindful how you use them
Questions to help you out
What would be a more positive thought?
What is a more empowering word than _?
Shift your inner dialogue into something more empowering by committing to yourself that you are going to focus on the solution, rather than on the problems.
Exercise
Now, let me show you a few messages I used to tell myself, but I shifted them into a more empowering and positive message.
“Why me? My life is full of problems and challenges.” I shifted to “This is an opportunity for me to grow and become the best version of myself.”
“I am never going to be good at this!” I shifted to “Everything I went through until this moment has prepared me for this. I got this!”
“I am going to fail again.” I shifted to “No matter how it ends I am going to learn and grow so much from it.”
“I hate my life.” I shifted to “What can I do to improve my life’s situation?”
Moreover, be conscious of the negative messages, then choose to see it from a different point of view to shift it into a more empowering phrase.
Now it’s your turn.
You can do this. I believe in you.
Personal tip:
Say those new positive words out loud when you are telling yourself them.
It has a more powerful effect when you say them out loud.
It’s probably going to feel weird at the beginning, but you will get used to it. Just keep doing it.
I enjoy telling myself empowering phrases like “You got this” or “You have everything that it takes to succeed. You are a champion.”
Sometimes I have to smile when I say them out loud, which helps me to focus on solutions rather than problems.
Plus, come up with prove when you use those empowering phrases.
Not only helps it you, but also your mind to believe in those empowering words when you give yourself some evidence and prove that you are what you are telling yourself.
For the short term, your mind is going to believe it when you start to use empowering and positive words.
However, after a few days, it could happen that your mind would start to question those empowering beliefs and reinforce the negative self-talk
That’s why it’s important that you not only tell yourself those empowering messages but that you also use evidence in the past to prove to yourself and to your mind that you are good enough, an amazing human being, ….
I can talk from experience when I say that just telling yourself those beautiful, positive words isn’t going to last for long.
Your mind will want proof for those empowering words.
So give it what it wants.
Use positive, empowering moments in your life to give to yourself and your mind the proof that it needs to stop questioning your positive self-talk.
3. Journaling
Journaling is a powerful way to get your thoughts out of your head and have a real conversation with them.
Plus,it helps to understand and identify where those negative patterns or beliefs come from.
Every time I put my negative thoughts to paper something magical happens.
I hear them less.
Moreover, writing about your negative beliefs and thoughts is going to give yourself this understanding about yourself and where they come from.
What I’ve been enjoying most about journaling is that it’s non-judgemental since you are the only one who will read what you wrote.
Some Questions that might help you to start journaling:
What disempowering thoughts and feelings am I having?
Why am I telling myself these negative things?
How true are those thoughts?
Where do those negative thoughts come from?
What would be a more positive thought?
What is a more empowering word than _?
4. Positive Affirmations
This tip is inspired by the book Unfu*k Yourself by Gary John Bishop.
By using daily empowering affirmations you start to create not only a positive self-talk but also a habit to have a more empowering conversation with yourself.
So Positive affirmations “are positive phrases which you repeat to yourself which describe how you want to be.
The theory is that when you first start saying your positive affirmations, they may not be true, but with repetition, they sink into your subconscious mind, you really start to believe them, and eventually, they become your reality, they become a self-fulfilling prophecy and actually become true.” Read More
However, if you combine positive affirmations with actions which are of course related to those empowering statements, you will start to embody and believe more in those positive assertions.
One of my favorite affirmations come from the book Unfu*k Yourself by Gary John Bishop, which is “I got this, I am wired to win, I am not my thoughts; I am what I do.”
If you are looking for a book that not only empowers you to practice positive self-talk, but also is action focused I would recommend you to read Unfu*k Yourself.
It’s a fast read and has a no bullshit approach.
5. Check your Environment
Working on yourself is crucial, as well as getting conscious about what negative influences are in your environment.
Most negative thoughts, beliefs or patterns we pick up because of our surrounding.
Negative people, news, Social Media, hobbies, certain times and places contribute to your negative self-talk.
I am a high energetic, joyful person so I started to realize that hanging out with certain people make me feel more nervous or that watching too much news and being 24/7 on Social Media makes me feel more angry and easy irritated.
I started to become more aware of what is actually causing me to have this negative self-talk.
I am not telling you should eliminate all these things, and hide in your room forever.
All I am saying is, be conscious of what the negative influences are and how they affect your daily mood.
When you start to be less around those toxic environments your overall mood, energy and positive thoughts start to increase.
Exercise
Think about negative influences and when they appear
Make a list of all those negative influences
Look for patterns or connections between them
Come up with a plan how you can avoid or improve those situations
How willing are you to make a change to talk in a way that’s helpful rather than harmful?
It all depends on you.
6. Acknowledge & Celebrate Your Wins
Acknowledging your achievements and celebrating them is one of the most important steps.
A lot of people forget or try to avoid it when it comes to practicing positive self talk or taking positive action in their life.
Most people skip this step and what happens is that life happens and most just forget to consciously practice and work on their positive self-talk.
Some folks don’t realize how many steps they accomplished and how much they’ve grown as a person.
I don’t want you to end up like those people( I recently was one of those people) and have to start over again.
So I am here to remind you to make sure to acknowledge and celebrate them.
I have two ways to do it.
Journal about my achievements
Make a list about my victories of the day
I make sure to celebrate my progress by treating myself daily.
Sometimes I eat dessert ( chocolate ) or I watch a comedy show.
Most of the time what I love to do is to tap myself on my shoulders and say out loud: “ I am proud of myself, I am fu*king amazing!”
I always smile after it and it feels great.
I love to do this with my clients too.
They always tell me how they feel more motivated and empowered after it.
It doesn’t have to be a big celebration every single time.
What matters is how it makes you feel and if it keeps the momentum and motivation up.
Exercise
make a list of all your accomplishments of the day
come up with some ways how you can celebrate those wins
Celebrate them now
Don’t ignore the power of celebrating your victories.
No matter how big or small your accomplishments are, celebrate them.
Now Let’s talk about you
What did you learn from this blog post?
What are your thoughts on those 6 steps?
How do you practice positive self-talk in your day-to-day life?
